No story this month, because I'm hopefully at the end of a five-week bug which has hit me with everything it had. This was a malicious infection from a germ which was either an atheist with little tolerance of Xmas or a fundamental terrorist who saw me as a soft target, or possibly both.

Anyway, I was in deep despair and despondency, surrounded by hot water bottles, used tissues and half-drunk mugs of peppermint tea, when I hit upon the idea of reading the handy information enclosed with all my cold remedies and prescription drugs, which in my case represented enough material to last a quick reader like me a whole week. It made me feel a lot better, for all the wrong reasons.

Paracetomol warned me against side effects such as hives and nettle rash. The antibiotics threatened hepatisis and skin that could blister or peel. The asthma inhaler promised hypersensitivity and hyperactivity along with irregular heartbeat (now there’s a combination to conjure with), and the steroids asked me to consider the possibilities of a serious mental disorder plus some other stuff which is way too difficult to type when you're coughing.

It’s no secret that I’m risk averse but it did make me think. Luckily, I wasn’t twitching, climbing the walls or foaming at the mouth, so my symptoms immediately seemed insignificant. This was a healthy contra indication caused by studying the documentation that the pharmaceutical companies had failed to list - maybe I should suggest this to them?

Do you think they would pay me for it?